Smutlee mix

I got Smutlee to do a short mix of dancehall, funky and garage stuff for the Vice music blog last week. It's real nice. Tracklist in comments.

Download: Smutlee mix

Three short mixes by three (possibly) quite tall guys

I've been looking after the Vice site this week so I got Bok Bok, Crazy Cousinz and Jackmaster to do a wee mix each for the music blog. You can get them all here.

Funky beats, sax and divas

Two of my peers, Pierre Schaeffer and Wiley

I have made a funky house remix of "Panty, Bras, Coke and Cameras" by Durrty Goodz. Hope you like it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Full story over on thefader.com.

PS: DJs/bloggers/A&Rs/Liberal Democrat MPs who want a 320 kbps MP3, holla at ya boy (that's me).

The biggest funky tune right now

Peeps have been telling me about this "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes" funky tune for a while. I've been scratching my head trying to figure out what they meant until I did a search on the interweb today and found it. It's had 1.5 million YouTube hits, wouldn't you know. Who can argue with figures like that? The evidence is plain to see – this one is, as RWD magazine would say, "about to blow". You know where you heard it first.

UrBaN Q&As

(These were supposed to run with a piece in a forthcoming issue of NME but there was no space for them)



FLUKES FROM CRAZY COUSINZ

Why is 2009 gonna be the bestest year that has ever been on a calendar?
Because we have a lot more to offer, we're much more of an established brand now with more fans behind us and a lot more music to drop for '09. And we've got the support of the 'bestest' journo to ever grace NME.

How much money do you estimate you'll earn in the next 12 months?
$20 billion Ugandan dollars.

What do you plan to spend all this money on?
10,000 copies of NME.

How many pairs of trainers will you buy with your earnings?
I've moved up a level – I do shoes now.

How many more girls will you get when you become worldwide famous in 2009?
It's not about the quantity, mate... it's the quality!

ASHER ROTH

How many Top 10 hits will you have in 2009?
14 tracks on the album equals 14 Top 10 hits.

What do you plan to spend all the money you will make this year on?
Psychedelic drugs and prostitutes.

How many pounds worth of gold and diamonds will you own by the end of the year?
I will own my body weight in gold, but no diamonds.

How many times will members of your entourage be wrongly arrested following scuffles with the paparazzi at international airports by the end of 2009?
It doesn't matter as long as Sloane [a character in popular HBO series Entourage] is safe.

How many pit bulls and other aggressive dogs will you be buying this year?
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze is clearly one of the best movies of all time.

CHIPMUNK

How much money will you make this year?
Triple what I made last year, which was quite a lot.

What will you spend it on?
First thing I'm going for is a mortgage – I'm going for a house this year. I might get a few jewels but nothing too outrageous, and, as soon as I pass my test, a car.

How many magazine covers do you think you will be on in 2009?
Every one that's relevant, so at least 30, man.

How many bottles of champagne will you be poppin' this year?
Hmmm, I don't really like champagne too much, but I drink it. I like Malibu and coke, and Bailey's. I try to stay away from the alcohol, if I'm honest.

Simple lyrics, simple flows/Got the ravers on their toes

This is "Funky Anthem", the new single by Crazy Cousinz featuring MC Versatile, the guy who appeared on DJ NG's "Tell Me". I remember I (jokingly) described "Bongo Jam" by Crazy Cousinz as "Tell Me" multiplied by "Pow" to the power of T2, which the producers then began quoting in interviews. Well, I could not be more sincere when I say that "Funky Anthem" is the sum of "Heartless Theme" and "Champagne Dance" divided by the reciprocal of 21 Seconds, raised to the power of 138 Trek.

More on the Fader site.

Bleep 'n' bongos

Compare bleep classic "Track With No Name" by The Forgemasters (above) to the track which comes in around 15:00 in the mix below.

Download: Marcus Nasty and Mak 10 on Rinse FM

I've noted before in my column for the Fader site that some funky sounds like bleep. "Monopoly Refix" by D Malice (second song in this clip) sounds like a tribal, more carnival-friendly version of the kind of stuff Warp were putting out in the early nineties.

I guess bleep was US house disfigured by (among other things) hip-hop and reggae, and funky is US house disfigured by (among other things) grime, broken beat and dancehall. So it's not that surprising that funky producers are coming up with similar results that Unique 3 et al did 20 years ago.

Hate is a Strong Word / Love is a Beautiful Thing

DJ NG. Photo by James Pearson-Howes

If anyone is interested, you can read my article on funky in last week's NME here. I have taken the liberty of writing my own headline this time to save any other 40-year-old silk shirt-wearing funky house DJs out there from having a hernia. To be clear, I will say again: I did not write the original headline. BTW, I have put up a lenghty interview with NG in my Fader column this week.



I've also got something in this week's NME on footworkin', jumpstyle, Tecktonik, etc. Look out for it. At the end, I talk about all the weird guys out there who make videos of their Lego men doing the jumpstyle, which you can see an example of above. Also check this slightly blurry video for more hot jumpstyle Lego club action.

---

Not much time to update these days, but keep checking my two new blogs: Hate is a Strong Word and Love is a Beautiful Thing. I have decided to make myself the CEO of both of them.

"Shout out to Burger King"

I'm pretty over the really bad, cringeworthy jokes about Big Brother so I didn't want to mention it this year. But my friend sent me this clip of Harry Hill's TV Burp and pointed me to 03:50, where Calista is in the studio performing. Have a look. "I love to play my bongos in the morrrrnnning" – that has to be the biggest vocal hook ever. If this gets released it's gonna be like DJ NG's "Tell Me" multiplied by "Pow" to the power of T2. Look out for the Styleslut feature on it in Pimp Magazine in 2010.



Try to ignore Big Narstie's freestyle here but listen out for the constant jibes from Westwood ("Shout out to Burger King" etc.) and look at everyone else's reaction around him. It's basically like the fat kid at school getting picked on. Quite sad really.

"I ain't gonna lie, some have got better / Dizzee got worse but he still got cheddar"

Photo by Alex Sturrock

Top 18 things that I heard in 2007 in no particular order (with selected commentary):

1. Trim - Soulfood Vol. 1
2. Apple - Mr Bean
3. DJ NG - Tell Me
Coming out again on Atlantic Records next year
4. Estelle - American Boy (TS7 Remix)
5. Trim - Soulfood Vol. 2
I think I'm the only person who thought this was better than Vol. 1
6. JTJ Productions - It's You
7. Wiley - Apocalypto
Have you heard Wiley's funky house remix of "Night"?
8. El-B - Shorty (Steppa Mix)
9. Mavado - Gangsta For Life
10. Cheeksta - Baby (TS7 Remix)
11. Martyn - Twenty Four
Who would have thought that in 2007 dubstep could still be subtle? Not a cod-Jamaican vocal in sight, too.
12. Burial - Unite
I don't actually dislike Burial
13. Durrty Goodz - Switching Songs Part 2
14. Dizzee Rascal - Dean
This was a B-side on the "Sirens" CD single. Strangely, it's better than pretty much every other track on the album. It's like one of those dreamy, introspective tracks from Boy in Da Corner. I guess it didn't really fit in with the whole "British hip-hop" theme he was going for with this LP. Shame, really.
15. Wookie - Gallium
16. Joker - Gully Brook Lane
Is this ever actually going to come out on vinyl?
17. Wiley - 16 Bar Rally
18. T2 - Why (Mr Virgo Remix)

Top 2 1Xtra DJs who say "The" before every artist name:

1. The DJ Cameo
2. The DJ Footloose

Top 5 people / things / animals Skepta has been photographed with this year:

1. Some Hasidic Jews


2. A camel


3. Trigga


4. Ian from Black Lips


5. The Israeli flag


Top 2 songs of 2007 about penises:

1. Ce'Cile - Prancehall Dub
2. Riskay - Smell Yo Dick

Top 3 screwfaces of 2007:

1. Jammer


2. Jammer


3. Fuda Guy


Top 3 most overrated grime albums of 2007 (in order of overratedness):

1. Skepta - Greatest Hits
2. Dizzee Rascal - Maths & English
3. Wiley - Playtime Is Over

Top 4 slogan T-shirts of 2007:

1. DJ Scholar - I Got It 4 Cheap!


2. Afrikan Boy - I'm Focused, Don't U Get It?


3. Lee Brasco - You Make Me Sick


4. Jammer - Are You Dumb?

Back to 2000

I was listening to some random pirate station last night and the guy played Wookie's "Gallium" followed by Coki & Benga's "Night" really pitched down and then Apple's "Mr Bean". Pretty great 10 minutes of radio right there. The DJ then ruined it by playing loads of boring male vocal funky house layered with really bad drops and sound effects. I then switched across to Rinse FM and Hatcha was playing "Night" and about 10 minutes later it was on Mary Anne Hobbs's show in a Skream set she was repeating. I've heard that it has been signed to a major and they are getting a vocal - probably by Baby Katie, the girl on NG's "Tell Me". I wonder how the dubstep fans will react to that? Apparently "Gallium" might be coming out on a major too, with a female vocal on top. There's a pretty amazing Badness vocal that I heard today but Scratcha is the only person who has it.

I also heard this great new dancehall rhythm last night. "Planet Rock"-style electro beat with an auto tuned Vybz Kartel vocal. Anyone know the name? I know everyone hates those faster dancehall rhythms like Shooter but I can't get enough of them.



What happened to ghostriding the whip? I guess people's cars all got away on them.

"You know you're my lady (lady) / You drive me crazy (crazy)"

Above is a live PA of DJ NG's "Tell Me". Look at all the girls in the video down the front dancing and giving gunfingers while their boyfriends are (presumably) at home desperately searching the internet to find where they can download The Movement's new mixtape for free and threatening to violently assault people on the RWD forum. When grime nights were effectively banned in London, a lot of people turned to funky house clubs to go to and now you've got producers like NG making this pretty dark funky house stuff because of that. I've been pretty addicted to this song for the last month. I didn't really get it at first but then someone randomly played it at the last Dirty Canvas and I couldn't get it out of my head.

I heard that Mighty Crown requested a dub of this for when they played in London earlier this month. I also heard Logan goes driving round Essex listening to this every day (but don't quote me on that).
444553540000"



'Cos I'm pretty generous I'm giving away a very special gift - a black and white print of Kano (previewed above) courtesy of Ben Rayner that you can frame and hang above your bed. It's about 14 inches wide, FYI. To win just email me the name of the guy who produced "Buss It Up". Be quick. I'm sending it out tomorrow evening so you get it before Christmas.