(These were supposed to run with a piece in a forthcoming issue of NME but there was no space for them)
FLUKES FROM CRAZY COUSINZ
Why is 2009 gonna be the bestest year that has ever been on a calendar?
Because we have a lot more to offer, we're much more of an established brand now with more fans behind us and a lot more music to drop for '09. And we've got the support of the 'bestest' journo to ever grace NME.
How much money do you estimate you'll earn in the next 12 months?
$20 billion Ugandan dollars.
What do you plan to spend all this money on?
10,000 copies of NME.
How many pairs of trainers will you buy with your earnings?
I've moved up a level – I do shoes now.
How many more girls will you get when you become worldwide famous in 2009?
It's not about the quantity, mate... it's the quality!
How many Top 10 hits will you have in 2009?
14 tracks on the album equals 14 Top 10 hits.
What do you plan to spend all the money you will make this year on?
Psychedelic drugs and prostitutes.
How many pounds worth of gold and diamonds will you own by the end of the year?
I will own my body weight in gold, but no diamonds.
How many times will members of your entourage be wrongly arrested following scuffles with the paparazzi at international airports by the end of 2009?
It doesn't matter as long as Sloane [a character in popular HBO series Entourage] is safe.
How many pit bulls and other aggressive dogs will you be buying this year?
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze is clearly one of the best movies of all time.
How much money will you make this year?
Triple what I made last year, which was quite a lot.
What will you spend it on?
First thing I'm going for is a mortgage – I'm going for a house this year. I might get a few jewels but nothing too outrageous, and, as soon as I pass my test, a car.
How many magazine covers do you think you will be on in 2009?
Every one that's relevant, so at least 30, man.
How many bottles of champagne will you be poppin' this year?
Hmmm, I don't really like champagne too much, but I drink it. I like Malibu and coke, and Bailey's. I try to stay away from the alcohol, if I'm honest.