Top five explanations as to what Kanye West might be doing with his head in the lap of his girlfriend, Amber Rose, backstage at London Fashion Week

1. Warming his metallic jaw
2. Licking some cheese and chive dip from her skirt
3. Publicly proving, once and for all, that he is not gay
4. Seeing if she's wearing the limited edition Ed Banger x Cobra Snake x Louis Vuitton knickers that Kid Cudi exclusively designed for Kanye
5. Rummaging for a penis

(Picture half-inched from the Vice fashion blog)

Benazir Bhutto rap tribute

I'm not sure if that's some Jon E Cash-style square wave bass or just heavy feedback that comes in after about 52 seconds.

(Stolen from Vice)

UrBaN Q&As

(These were supposed to run with a piece in a forthcoming issue of NME but there was no space for them)



FLUKES FROM CRAZY COUSINZ

Why is 2009 gonna be the bestest year that has ever been on a calendar?
Because we have a lot more to offer, we're much more of an established brand now with more fans behind us and a lot more music to drop for '09. And we've got the support of the 'bestest' journo to ever grace NME.

How much money do you estimate you'll earn in the next 12 months?
$20 billion Ugandan dollars.

What do you plan to spend all this money on?
10,000 copies of NME.

How many pairs of trainers will you buy with your earnings?
I've moved up a level – I do shoes now.

How many more girls will you get when you become worldwide famous in 2009?
It's not about the quantity, mate... it's the quality!

ASHER ROTH

How many Top 10 hits will you have in 2009?
14 tracks on the album equals 14 Top 10 hits.

What do you plan to spend all the money you will make this year on?
Psychedelic drugs and prostitutes.

How many pounds worth of gold and diamonds will you own by the end of the year?
I will own my body weight in gold, but no diamonds.

How many times will members of your entourage be wrongly arrested following scuffles with the paparazzi at international airports by the end of 2009?
It doesn't matter as long as Sloane [a character in popular HBO series Entourage] is safe.

How many pit bulls and other aggressive dogs will you be buying this year?
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze is clearly one of the best movies of all time.

CHIPMUNK

How much money will you make this year?
Triple what I made last year, which was quite a lot.

What will you spend it on?
First thing I'm going for is a mortgage – I'm going for a house this year. I might get a few jewels but nothing too outrageous, and, as soon as I pass my test, a car.

How many magazine covers do you think you will be on in 2009?
Every one that's relevant, so at least 30, man.

How many bottles of champagne will you be poppin' this year?
Hmmm, I don't really like champagne too much, but I drink it. I like Malibu and coke, and Bailey's. I try to stay away from the alcohol, if I'm honest.

Straight Outta Yerevan

This week for the Guardian music blog I've taken a sideways glance at a number of often overlooked eastern and central European rap scenes, where you will find some of the hardest spitters in the world (no homo). Read it here. Hope you like it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(The alternative title for this post was Communism Rules Everything Around Me. Post some more eastern European rap puns in the comments, if you like.)

Hick-hop

This week's Scene and Heard for the Guardian site is on hick-hop. Read here.

The previous week's column was on trancehall and the week before that I wrote about a terrible Dutch genre called bubbling.

Armenian gangshta raps, bebay

Introducing Kro, Armenia's finest (possibly only) gangshta rapper. I'm still yet to be convinced that this isn't Sacha Baron Cohen's latest character, but I love the song. All together now: "I be makin' Gs, like the real OGs overseas. Aaah-ahh-ahhhh-ah-ah-ahhhh..."



2-Pac is alive! He does look a bit like 2-Pac actually. Also, it looks like he's given his aunt a glass of sherry and asked her to sing the chorus hook on this one.

Southside Groovin'

Kings and queens of bounce

My Guardian music blog column this week is on New Orleans bounce and the scene's "sissy rappers". Above is a short film VBS made with the King of Bounce, DJ Jubilee and Katey Red, the world's first transsexual rapper.

Bonus: Here is my friend Ben Rayner's favourite bounce rapper, Hot Boy Ronald.

Two things

Photo by Jamie-James Medina

Fader: "MySpace has taught me a lot of things and enriched my life in many ways. I mean, before MySpace I never realised that Lost in Translation was the best movie ever made or that George Lucas was the best director ever to step foot in this part of the galaxy. Without MySpace I wouldn't have been given the pleasure of learning that 65 per cent of the people in the world would like to meet Notorious B.I.G., John Lennon, Martin Luther King and Bob Dylan."


Illustration by Johnny Ryan

Vice: "Hey people at Glastonbury (not that anyone at Glastonbury will be reading this). Are you guys looking forward to watching Jay-Z in the unforgiving rain with lots of people who hate him? I really hope it rains. Please rain."

Iced Tea

UK hip-hop

"Hi, I'm a total idiot who watched 8 Mile once."

Epic

If only all Usher videos were this good.

"I'M PRESSING CHARGES, I'M PRESSING CHARGES, I'M PRESSING CHARGES, I'M PRESSING CHARGES. Where my doo-rag at?"

I think this is my favourite new "Crank Dat" version – just surpassing my previous fave. This lovely young lady even throws in some of Soulja Boy's new single, "Yahhh!", for good measure.

Roll another phat one, Dave

I got sent the following today by a young lady called Sarah Hay:
"Hey, you'll appreciate this one for a few laughs. Check the new dance craze that's come out of the techno scene in France called tecktonik - it's hilarious. It came out of the banlieues and all the teenagers in France are getting into it. This whole thing started in a hard techno club just outside of Paris. Pretty much like any other hard techno club across the world except these ravers developed the vogueing element."

"The kids battle like hip-hop but the funny thing is that as it's spread to the other big cities like Lyon, Nantes and Lille all the hip-hop kids are going, "Wha-attt the fuck is this?!"



"This is a clip of tecktonik kids battling hip-hop kids who just crack up at first but then they try to match them. France is the biggest consumer and producer of hip-hop in the world after the USA. Outside of central Paris it's still as huge as ever so when suddenly the techno kids are doing this crazy, crazy dance in the schoolyards the hip-hop fans have got a lot to say about it."

Someone totally needs to get David LaChapelle to strap a dead rat to his head, whip on a skin-tight T-shirt and get out there to do a documentary.

Pull my finger

Vice posted an interview with girl rapper Riskay on their blog yesterday. I came across her "Smell Yo Dick" track randomly before I went to NY but forgot to post it up. Possibly the most ridiculous song of the year. Riskay's not actually that bad. She had a good song called "Brand New Money" with DG Yola on the Fear Factor Florida mixtape from earlier this year. Anyway, here is the full interview:

Vice: Why do you think "Smell Yo Dick" has taken off?
Riskay: I think it's because a lot of women have thought about it but they never had the nerve to do it, and now they don't have to be ashamed to try it. A lot of men cheat because they can get away with it, but I feel like if a man knows a woman will go to that extent [dick-smelling], they probably won't cheat. Men have degraded women and acted like we're stupid for so many years, and they come up with songs about cheating, so why can't I just represent women? This is how I feel, this is what I've been through.

How many times have you smelled a dick?
Once, when I was younger. I had a guy that was cheating on me. You know, always coming home about five o'clock in the morning, always trying to make up excuses. He's out with his boys. I'm like, "Hey if you're not cheating, let me smell it."

And he let you?
Yeah. He was confident in himself, as if I'm stupid and I don't know what latex smells like. It smelled like... it had condom smell.

Couldn't you just smell his hands, or his face?
Yeah, you could smell his hands or his face-if you wanna be disgusting. I would prefer to smell his dick than taste some other chick in his mouth.

I think a lot of women would be afraid to just ask outright. Any tips on how to get him to offer up the goods?
If you feel like your man might cuss you out and try to get violent with you if you ask, then act like you're gonna give him some head and just smell it.

What if you smelled a guy's dick and it smelled like saliva? Would that be as bad?
You know, if it smells like stank breath, that's wrong too. A lot of men are like "Oh, she just gave me head," and I'm like "OK, that's cheatin."

What if he thought ahead and took a shower before coming home? You could be fooled.
If he's been out all day, he shouldn't smell like soap. I was talking with a male rapper friend, and he said "What I do is take baby wipes and clean myself before I get home," and then another guy told me he just let his thing out and rolled the windows down in the car so his dick could air out.

I love picturing that. Do you worry that with your song being heard so much, maybe men will wise up and everyone will carry baby wipes or let their dick air out in the car, and then smelling it will be ruined for women everywhere?
When I first did the song, a lot of my man friends were like "You're giving females too much information! You're giving them bad, bad ideas. This is wrong." A lot of men don't like it, probably because they're cheating. They think "Oh my God, this is for real. She done put females up on somethin' and we in trouble now."

---

Download: DVA feat. Badness - Prancehall Dub



Here is the Badness track from my mixtape. I need to get some new beats off DVA like this one I think.

Stratford Rex: The dick inspector

I didn't get any pictures or videos from the Mavado show last night. Pretty annoying. The whole thing was filmed anyway so maybe I'll get the DVD. When I got to The Rex around 10, the police had already shut off two lanes of traffic outside the club and lined up at least eight police cars and vans along the road. They also had police dogs and guys with M16s. Pretty insane for an event where there wasn't a hint of trouble all night. Total over reaction in my opinion. On the way in they were taking no chances: I got the metal detector and full search and then I was ordered to go and see a woman in the corner. I had no idea what was going on so I walked up and stood next her and without saying a word she put her hand between my legs and cupped my piece before nodding to the other bouncers that I was allowed in. I think that was her job all night: dick inspector. She checks to see if you're packing a big enough piece and if not she sends you out to be gunned down by the police. There were no shootings last night, thankfully.

Inside I saw Chipmunk, Badness and Logan Sama in a full suit with a red tie and overcoat. I told him he needed to wear a white suit next time to fit in. He didn't seem so keen. I saw some pretty amazing fashion in there. There was a guy who looked like a fat Benga who had Air Force Ones covered in gold sequins and he was the most under dressed person there. He performed later on but I had no idea who he was. He did some bars over "Baddis Ting" rhythm and got a pretty massive reaction. Mad Cobra didn't show but there were lots of random Channel U types performing a song each for a half an hour segment. There was even one girl with some cheerleader-esque dancers performing with her. She wasn't so good.

I won't bother to say too much about Mavado. Some people who like dancehall genuinely don't seem to like him. For me, his album is the best album of the year in any genre. No question. He performed most of the songs off Gangster For Life with a full band. The crowd knew every word. I wasn't standing in the best spot but I enjoyed it. It was nice to see a crowd of 1,000 people all having fun at a night they've paid 40 quid for. I don't get that all the time at nights I go to where people have paid a fiver.



It seems like I am the last person in the world to know that Jammer has an album deal with Big Dada. Why did no one tell me? I'm upset. It's like people didn't want me to know or something. That's not nice. Anyway, I think he'll do well. Jammer's obviously not the best MC in the world but he can make good songs and he's funny and has a bit of charisma. It was a big fuck up that "Murkle Man" never got a proper release. It had a great video already made and could have been as big as "Pow".

---

After A Breath of Fresh Ears and Lend Me Your Ears I've come up with an idea for the name of Ears' next project: Play It By Ears. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. "Play it by Ears." Get it? It's like "Play it by ear", but slightly different. Play It By Ears.

---

Saw a rather interesting article in The Voice called, "Is rap turning our girls into ho's?" There are some pretty choice quotes in there. It's an excrutiating read so if you can't be bothered to go through the whole thing, I think the gist of it is that hip-hop videos are making black girls become promiscuous and do drugs and the main consumers of hip-hop are "young, affluent, white men" so that is who we should blame.

"Ain't gonna work hard, Chippy's no fool / Jesus tempts me, Satan tempts me, but it's the Lord that wins overall"

Durrty Goodz

I interviewed Durrty Goodz for the new issue of Vice. I almost didn't want it to run. It was such a hassle to get hold of him, he wouldn't answer most of the questions, his manager rang me to say I'd asked the wrong questions, then emailed to ask to see if he could see the interview before it went to print. Then, to top it all off Goodz was too busy to have his picture taken so I had to spend days running round trying to get an unpublished one. Eventually I got the one above, but I had to deal with the photographer calling to ask if he would actually get paid for the picture or if I was just lying. He also called our photo editor to interrogate him because I guess he didn't believe I was telling the truth. Weird. Anyway, here's the unedited interview:

Prancehall: Have you spoken to Titch recently?
Durrty Goodz: Yeah, I speak to him all the time. He phones me. He's alright, he's just holding his head down.

Has he made an appeal?
I'm not even too sure – I haven't really spoke to him deep like that. When we speak we're just talking normal.

How did you feel when you found out you were a suspect in the case?
You know, I can't even remember. All I know is I felt terrible, just like anyone would. It's a bit too much for me to even think back because my head was probably just spinning but my head's straight right now.

What was prison like?
Prison is just like prison. I suppose it's the same as anywhere, but I dunno. It's just prison innit, it's just jail innit. You just wanna get out because it's not a place built for human beings. And that's that. Music don't live there, music's out here. Yeah, that's why I'm here.

What would you eat for breakfast?
You don't get breakfast and those things. They don't do that. You have to survive for yourself, innit. I don't even take food from them. I wouldn't even eat, I'd just eat my own stuff. I'd just do my own thing. I don't think they even give people food. They call it food but I don't think it's food.

What did you think about when you were sat in your cell?
All sorts of thoughts go through your head because that's the reality of the case, but most of the time I was probably just thinking about my family.

Were you ever scared?
It depends because when you know you've done nothing wrong then sometimes you've got nothing to be scared about. At the same time, you know that the system's wonky so you always have like a couple of scary thoughts in the back of your mind.

What was the prison itself like?
They're all gritty. All prisons are filthy. Like I said, it's no place for a human being.

Was there one definitive moment that made you think you really didn't want to be there?
Yeah, there was loads of stuff but you can just look at a prison screw – just look at his face – and you wouldn't be next to that kind of face. Not when you're known for, like, having pretty ladies and that. I saw so much violence in there that I can't even say right now. I see a lot of stuff, I see a lot of stuff. It will probably be all revealed one day. Panorama will probably go in there and tell you what's happening. I don't think people understand. That place is so deep - you could just see the food and get upset and know that you're not meant to be there. It's not food, it's just garbage. Everything's just garbage. It's not the standard of living of where you come from. You're gonna be upset every second you're there.

What did you do all day?
There's nothing to do, just read, innit. Just the same old shit every day. There's nothing to do, ever.

Were there jobs you could do?
Probably, but I don't speak to no one so no one's not going to offer me nothing that I don't really need.

How did you feel when the verdict was read out?
They just said I could go and I went downstairs. Then, the others had to stay there. They just told me to go so I went.

What was going through your mind? Did you think about Titch?
Yeah I saw them when they came back downstairs. I was upset for them.

Did they seem upset?
Yeah, anyone would be upset. It's natural feelings.



I've written something on bassline house for the Guardian music blog. Read it here.

---

New Vice column is up. Two of the songs we mention in the chart at the end can be listened to below.

Tampa Tony feat. T-Pain - Ride Out

I've been a closet T-Pain fan for a while now but I found out a litte while back that it's okay to like him. He hasn't pissed on any underage girls and he doesn't sing "Konnnnnvict Muuuuuuzik" in every song, so he gets the thumbs up from me. He also ghost writes for most of the rappers worth bothering about from below the Mason-Dixie line: Lil' Boosie, Webbie, Lil Jon, DG Yola, Lil' Wayne, B.O.B, Trick Daddy.



Seventeen Evergreen - Ensoniq (Bi-Polar Men refix)

A music PR girl I know sent this song to me ages ago insisiting I'd like it, but I never bothered to listen. She's really nice, but I had to endure so much tedious chit chat and fake enthusiasm from PRs calling me up every day when I worked full time in an office that I could never bring myself to trust what any of them thought. Then, recently, I heard Skream and Sinden playing this song that I really liked with a name I half recognised and it turned out to be the one my friend had sent me, thus proving music PRs can be worthwhile (if they are your friends and know what kind of music you are into).

Sean Kingston interview

Below is a recent interview I did with Sean Kingston. Read the edited version in Vice here.

Prancehall: Hey, did you star as Leroy the boxer in Bugsy Malone? You look like him.
Sean Kingston: What? No, I didn't star in that. I did acting when I was younger, though. I went to acting school and I enjoyed it a lot.

Oh, okay. So why did you let DJ Khaled anywhere near your album? He's literally insane.
He's not insane, he's a good dude. He shows a lot of love to me and has a lot of energy. He's very energetic, know what I mean?

Does he shout all over the song on your album, like he usually does?
No, he doesn't shout all over it.

Thank God for that. Do you have a girlfriend right now?
No, I'm single.

Why haven't you got a girlfriend?
I'm focusing on my career, man.

No time for girls?
No time for girls, I'm always busy. I mean, I love girls - I have associates, I have friends, but not a girlfriend.

Is it true your executive producer, J.R., hooked up with Britney Spears?
Yes. Some of it was true, some of it was a rumour. He did take Britney Spears on a date, but as far as him saying that he had sex with Britney Spears and all that stuff, that was kind of a little…

Was the date before or after she shaved her head?
Erm... that was after.

Did he introduce you to Britney?
Yeah, I met Britney with him at the studio. She's cool, man, she's very shy, she's very quiet. She's kind of funny, you know what I'm saying?

Would you say she's a beautiful girl?
Erm... she is, she is. My definition of a beautiful girl is Beyonce, though.

What if Beyonce shaved her head, would you still think she was a beautiful
girl?
Yeah. She has a nice body. She's not going to shave her head, though.

Anger Is a Gift

I've finally finished my mixtape. It is available to download here and the best tracks can be previewed on the MySpace page. You may have thought it was lost in history never to be heard (like Sharky Major's mixtape that was supposed to come out 3 years ago) but here it is. Most of the tracks on here are specials, dubs or exclusives. One or two were given to me as exclusives but ended up being released before I finished this because it's taken me so long to do. The others are just favourites that I always play when I DJ out. Here is the tracklist:

01. Intro
02. Virgo feat. B-Live & Flirta D - The Clack Riddim (Prancehall Special)
03. Tempa T - Tempz
04. Terror Danjah - Zumpti Huntah
05. Jammer - Toxic Freestyle
06. Yung Joc - Do Ya Bad
07. Brains - Plastic (Instrumental)
08. Scratchy, Skepta & Breeze - Vice Freestyle
09. Jitset feat. Jammer - Mary Jane Remix
10. Brains feat. Slinga, 2-Pac & Biggie - Thug Love
11. Matt Shadetek - Bump Bump
12. Lewi White feat. Busy Signal & Mavado - Vice Freestyle
13. Brains - Neva Eva
14. Big Kuntry feat. Yung Joc & T.I. - Yeah (Remix)
15. Mavado - Wah Dem A Do (Dexplicit Remix)
16. Rossi B & Luca feat. Scorcher - Not No Talker
17. Tinchy Stryder feat. Fuda Guy - Sick Ina Head
18. Matt Shadetek feat. Skepta - Reign
19. Jammer feat. Delishus - Vice Freestyle
20. DVA feat. Badness - Prancehall Dub
21. Ruff Sqwad - Untitled
22. Jammer feat. Ce'Cile - Prancehall Dub
23. Syer B - Badboy (Prancehall Special)
24. Slix - Down and Out
25. Statik feat. Faction G - Lily Allen Remix
26. Ce'Cile - Tell Me What You Love (Cheerful Riddim)
27. Ears feat. Flamin - Fergalicious Freestyle
28. Brains feat. Knuckles - Damn (Remix)
29. Riko - Prancehall Dub
30. Statik feat. Tempa T, Kraze & Esco - Bad Guys
31. Statik feat. Cham - Prancehall Story
32. Outro
BONUS TRACK:
Fish Go Deep - The Cure & The Cause (Jitset's 'The Chop & The Screw' Remix)

Some notes:
For track 5, I asked Jammer to do a vocal of "Toxic" after I heard him freestyle over it the night David Banner played at The Old Blue Last. For track number 10 my friend Jamie-James (who helped loads with this) had the idea of doing a track using the most famous deceased grime MC, Slinga from YGC, plus the two most famous deceased hip-hop MCs. He got some Slinga a cappellas off Jammer and then gave them to my friend Brains to build a track around the vocals. For track number 12 I got one of my favourite grime beats ever and gave it to VBS when they were going to Jamaica to film a documentary and asked them to get some dancehall MCs to vocal it. Mavado and Busy Signal both obliged and then when they got back, Jammer blended the two together to make one song. They followed Mavado around for a week to convince him to do it and then they had to sit around for seven hours on the day waiting for him to finally record the vocals. Having heard a different version of track 31 that Logan played on Kiss last year, Fuda Guy called up asking could he be on the mixtape. I went to meet him at some random train station in east London late one night to pick up a CD of tracks from him, only to discover when I got home that he'd just given me some really old track featuring him and Stryder that was released ages ago. He later emailed me track 17, which was an exclusive at the time, but I think it was released recently. Track 19 is another dancehall dub that VBS got for me in Jamaica, this time over a Jammer beat. Track 20 is the track I first heard Badness on. Faction G hooked it up for me some time last year and I've been a big fan of Badness ever since. Track 26 is by Ce'Cile and is all about my "big stick". This was another one from the VBS documentary in Jamaica and you can watch the making of the song here. The beat is an old Jammer classic.

There is a bit of a Bugsy Malone theme on this mixtape. Track 24 uses a sample from the "Down & Out" song off the Bugsy Malone soundtrack. After giving Slix the idea and sending him the song, he got Scholar (I never knew he produced either) to make a track for him to vocal. I really wanted to get Ears on the mixtape because he sounds good on pretty much any beat but wanted him to vocal something non-grime because I thought it would be more interesting, so went for "Fergalicious" because it's probably one of the most ridiculous songs ever. Riko made me two specials in return for DJing at his birthday bash last year. One made it on (track 29), the other was hip-hop tempo but I will use it for something one day.

Over a year ago, we held a studio session till three in the morning at Jamie-James's house with Statik, Esco, Tempa T and Kraze. Wiley was supposed to come down too, and kept calling Esco, but in the end he kept to tradition and didn't bother to show up. The sample in track 30 is another one from the Bugsy Malone soundtrack, as you probably already know if you've seen the film. I was going to get Tempa T to do a vocal of that "So You Want To Be A Boxer" song (because he boxes) but it never happened for some reason. The Cham freestyle (track 31) was one of the first songs I got for the mixtape. Statik went to Cham's hotel while he was over in the UK last year and got him to record a special for me over the "Boy" beat. Statik then licenced the beat to the Babyshambles' album or something, so he re-did the vocals over a new beat (which I think I prefer anyway). I can't be bothered to go through all the drops but I managed to get some from people like David Banner, Juvenile and 5th Ward Weebie. I was promised loads more but just didn't have the time to chase them all. The New Orleans drops were hooked up with contacts I got while I was over there last year. Finally, the bonus track is a chopped and screwed version of a funky house song that I got my friend Jitset to do.

Special thanks goes to: Jamie-James, Alex Sturrock, Daniel 7 Year Glitch, Ben, Statik, Brains, Jammer, Faction G, Jack Adams, God, Jesus, Mary, St Joseph, my gran, my two cats and Robert Mugabe.

(If the download link at the top doesn't work, click here to download the mixtape directly.)