We got tings in yachts

Rapid, Fuda Guy and Slix

Last Friday I DJed at a night at Cargo with Ruff Sqwad. I was going to write some stuff about it but this girl I know called Emma said she would do me a little write-up that I could steal. She seemed pretty into what Ruff Sqwad were wearing so she said she'd talk about that. Emma works for the fashion designer Katherine Hamnett, who is kind of responsible for everyone and their dog now wearing those large block letter slogan tees. Here is what she had to say with a few changes and some notes from me in red:

Rapid is really a Yacht Rock guy and only a few steps away from joining Duran Duran on Simon Le Bon's boat. Slix dresses like he kind of is, but his shoes look like an indie boy (?). Fuda Guy... cap is a little bit 8-Ball Lucky Strike with the embroidered dice, but I guess he is big on the stitches with the hat like that, the embroidered Pink Panther on the knee and the ICE-B embroidery on the pocket.

Fuda Guy in the ICE-B jeans

I'm really not into these jeans and even less into his pants. They look really cheap and nasty and in fact, the entire outfit could have been bought at Camden market. At the next Ruff Sqwad gig I have half a mind to present Fuda Guy with a selection of new undies. I am opposed to so much hanging out, for real. Imagine if he does a sloppy fart or something! Fuda Guy could be painted with the Ginuwine brush, for example. Versace undies would be great. I am thinking that maybe Vilebrequin in the Moorea traditional boxer short cut would be great if Fuda Guy really wanted to go round with his bum out. Vilebrequin also do incredible cotton boxers embroidered with strawberries or bees [if a girlfriend buys you these, she is a keeper.] About 2000 times better than Polo. Finally another option could be from Clone Zone on Old Compton Street. I know it is a gayer shop and the pants are for gays but the brand is called XTG - almost like XTC - YGM??!!

Here is Scholar (I had to cut what she said after this in case someone didn't read the intro and got the wrong idea). He wears the coolest sunglasses and he has a beautiful smile (remember people, this is not written by me). A big smile fixes everything (this is true). But sadly he is wearing one of those rotton T-shirts. I don't think much of all the slogan tees rolling around the East End these days. These ones in particular are pretty painful because I am almost certain that they aren't made from organic cotton. Conventional cotton - like the cotton used in these bulk tees that printers supply you cost them 70p each - represents 10 per cent of world agriculture (I thought agriculture was farms, innit) and uses 25 per cent of the world's pesticides. 20,000 people die every year from accidental pesticide poisoning in conventional cotton agriculture. I can also be pretty sure that the inks on those garments are not water based inks and probably contain PVC. (Prancehall.com does not necessarily support the views raised in this paragraph)

Now Scholar is hiding in shame cause his T-shirt is so wrong and Fuda Guy is suffering from all the chemicals and pesticide residue in his T-shirt (haha).

Here is Slix up close. The Wikipedia Handerchief Guide says that a black bandana means the wearer is into heavy S&M pain and wants to whip others (if worn on left); wants to be whipped (if worn on right). Ah so Slix, what you into?!!

And forget about Claire's Accessories, this is Slix's Accessories.

Rapid really wipes the floor with the rest of Ruff Sqwad in the fashion stakes - smart, clean, sexual. Look at Slix's little fat face here - he looks like one of the Fat Boys! (This view is not supported by Prancehall.com)

YACHT ROCK!! WOO HOO!! (We put those boat shoes in the tidbits section in the new Vice Student Guide - he must have got the idea there, innit). So beautiful. Personally I would get the Sperry Top Sider from Zappos OR the Rockport Bridgesport for guys and Sebago Docksides for women.

What is in the bag though? From the bump in the side it could contain a tampon, lip gloss or a battery. Cardinal (Cardinal = Emma's friend) suggested it looks like a bag for a travel hair dryer. Nicely unwashed denim vibes. Totally Hard Yakka early 90s vibe. Though of course, all that Hard Yakka stuff that came out over here and got worn by Oasis was all fake. Hard Yakka is made for jackroos (iz dat like a kangaroo called Jack?) in the Australian Outback. Where it is fucking hot. A sheepskin (baa) lined denim jacket just did not exist. Until workwear was cool over here and everything got faked up.



Anonymous said...


I am crying with laughter. Thanks for cheering up my otherwise dull night.

Graham said...

Like admiral Cameo but Terry Wogan!!

Chantelle said...

i think what they wearing is nice your haterz cause you can't dress better
And your blogs are shit.

Hol tye Ruff Squad Mandem