Watch the goals they concede without me
I can't find a picture to go with the text, so here is a random video. The stuff below is ex-RWD editor Matt Mason's liner notes he wrote for my mixtape about a year and a half ago when grime wasn't really going anywhere fast. I don't know why it's taken so long for me to put it up. I'm not even sure how it relates to my mixtape. But here it is:
Hey, Grime, can I see you in my office for a minute?
Thanks. Close the door, have a seat.
Want a coffee?
Ok, well, I'll get right to the point. Um... we've been getting a lot of complaints recently about you, and... there is no nice way to ask you this.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've just been told some fucking blogger named Prancehall is making a grime mixtape with VICE magazine. Bloggers? We did not hire you to hang out with bloggers. That's dubstep's job. When I left London you were right on track to become the greatest scene of all time in the making - "the bastard sons of Blair's Britian" transmitting your anger live from every council estate rooftop. Fast-forward two years and you're just a bunch of twelve year old pussies screaming about shanking each other and how much money you've got on MySpace? Seriously, where did it all go wrong?
I guess I should have known you couldn't handle the pressure. The same thing happened to the last guy I hired - UK Garage. He was great to begin with, always smartly dressed in that Moschino suit he wore with lips and peace signs all over it, all the girls in the office liked him, but then the job got to him. I gave him too much money, which of course led to him doing way too much coke and he started bringing me shit like Shanks & Bigfoot, so I had to fire him. Same thing with the guy before - Jungle. He lost his focus and disappeared up his own ass. Then there was that Hardcore dude in the white gloves, he was a weird little guy, but you? I thought you were different? Now I gotta fire you too?
Hey, stop crying. Listen, in the beginning you brought in some good guys. Boy In Da Corner is a classic. You know I love that Jammer guy, Wiley is great too and we can't forget about Lethal B and D-Double - he was different, but what's with all this other half-assed shit? Maybe you were doomed the moment the broadsheets started masturbating over Dizzee or when major labels started signing people like Plan B. I didn't say anything at the time, I should have, but I thought you had the situation under control. I'm sorry.
Listen Grime, what I'm trying to say is it seems to me that you've reached a fork in the road. All this "I've got bare cash and gash" shit isn't fooling anyone. We don't need lessons about how to make money from a spotty cunt on Channel U in a Nike tracksuit with Ribena stains down the front. If any of you actually give a shit about making some dough, forget it, just go home. The top boys in grime don't even make 20k a year - and if they did they'd have bought a blazer and fucked off to the funky house scene ages ago. It's just not going to happen. Everyone in England is bored shitless of you. In the US you'll never even be as big as Lady Sov's chest. Put the mic down, draw for the plunger and become a plumber. Fuck it, plumbers make good money. Pretty soon you'll be living in Essex driving a turquoise Z4 you bought on credit, and trust me you'll be a lot happier.
But if there is a slim chance you are not the waste-man I think you are, and I only say this because there are still grime artists out there I'm excited about, (young MCs like Scorcher, Ears and Faction G, classic producers like Statik and Jammer), if you do actually want to be heard, start by being honest with yourself and speaking to people in this country about something real. Stop pissing about with guns and knives and make some decent music. I'm not going to have you up in this office again. Anger is a gift my little friend, but it's also a curse. If you don't start using it wisely, you're done.
This is your final warning Grime. So, fix up, look sharp and try reading a fucking book. Now get out of my sight.
CEO of UK URBAN MUSIC LTD (currently in liquidation)
I don't know if I mentioned, but there were quite a few tracks that didn't make it on to the mixtape. I got a US girl rapper called Nina B to do me a freestyle over "Gangsters". It was good but the vocals on the intro were way too low and it pissed me off. Bruza did me a freestyle about football but that was terrible. Here are the two best outtakes.
Trim - Vice Freestyle
When my friend Jamie was out in Sudan he got a lot of good local music and there was this one amazing song that we got my friend Brains to sample and make into a track for my mixtape. I then got Trim to vocal it but he liked it so much he wanted it for his mixtape so it went on Soulfood Vol. 2. I remember when I first got this, I must've listened to it a hundred times in two days. So many classic lines.
Cassie - Me & U (Brains remix feat. Scorcher)
This Cassie song was too old by the time the mixtape was ready but it's a good one. The audio for the Cassie voicemail bit in the middle comes from a phone interview I did with her.