Friday

Lots of lists and lots of shit



Remember that Dizzee / Nike thing where he had to run about a bit and they paid him loads of money? Well, they are broadcasting it next Thursday. Click that video thingy there to see the trailer and find out when it's on. People run about a bit and then Dizzee does a set at the end. I'm actually in there too, don'tcha know? I played some records while the people ran about in the trials. There's a bit where you almost see me. Look out for it.



Styleslut have posted loads of end of year lists. Why does everyone always do lists at the end of the year? No one gives a shit and it never actually represents anything from the first half of the year because no one can be bothered to remember back that far. Lists are gay. That means I'm gay, you're gay, everyone is gay. Anyway, here is their list. It's called "Ten reasons why grime is dead."

1. Dizzee Rascal doesn’t make grime.

2. Kano thinks working with Damon Albarn and Kate Nash is edgy and diverse.

3. Lethal B can’t stop milking white people for every last drop of their indie swagger.

4. Parisian designer JCDC thinks grime artists are exciting.

5. The most popular grime DJ in the country makes t-shirts that say ‘grime is dead’.

6. Jammer's dreads are slightly too long. Short twists a la Kele Bloc Party would be far more fetching.

7. No grime artist has ever been shot nine times.

8. Downloading grime mixtapes for free seems like too much fucking effort.

9. Wiley argues with children on the Rewind magazine message board.

10. Everyone likes house, dubstep, niche etc now, anyways.

The best way to shit on something that is shit is to do something that is also shit, i.e. write another list. Here is my list:

8 reasons why Styleslut's list is shit


1. No one apart from NME journalists uses the word "swagger".

2. No one apart from NME journalists uses the word "edgy".

3. Wiley doesn't always argue with children on the RWD forum. Sometimes the people he argues with are adults, but they are just writing like children 'cos it's more urban, innit.

4. No one is allowed to slag off grime because it makes Logan Sama upset.

5. Writing a list with the purpose of trying your hardest to be offensive about something is only something I am allowed to do.

6. Sure, no grime artist has ever been shot nine times but Crazy Titch did shoot someone and shooting someone is a lot better than being shot.

7. When you said everyone likes house, you linked to that DJ NG video I posted. Stop fucking stealing links off me and then going and pitching articles to stuff like Don't Panic Magazine. They don't even pay people.

8. Jammer's dreads could never be too long.

70 comments:

Anonymous said...

8. Downloading grime mixtapes for free seems like too much fucking effort.

^^ this is the truth

Anonymous said...

Styleslut are a bunch of wanna-be down scenester knobs. they dont evenknow anything about grime, so I dont know why they're making up stupid lists that arent even funny.

JP..ALL ABOUT MUSIC ME I AM. said...

Pranchall you dun alot...

I swear styleslut put on grime nights aswell y are they TRYING to slew grime, i always thought they were a bit dodgy lol...good luck 2 them....

Jp

Tick-Choong-Ting - Styleslut said...

Beef is for butchers.
If ya wanna spend so much time writing about someone else's shit, it must only be a good thing. As I couldn't write so much about certain people.
Good luck to ya!

bok said...

grime isnt dead, its just a bit shit at the moment
styleslut aren't really qualified to say anything about it tho really and truly

LOL at the bloc party thing, U BATTIES

Don't Panic said...

Journalists USE, not Journalists uses.

:script:

love

Don't Panic

mukyourmoms said...

Styleslut and Prancehall are neck and neck in the GAYEST BLOG EVER competition.

Anonymous said...

http://www.ukmusic.com/features/articles/is-grime-dead.html

Elijah said...

lol at beef being for butchers.

grime all day

J.... said...

"styleslut?"...the name said it all. you are nothing to do with grime. put on one of your dry parties, pay an mc to turn up late and spray a couple bars at the end and hold your mouth. the scene doesn't need you.
grime is far from dead, maybe just a slightly better work ethic and some quality control with the material(8 mixtapes in 8 weeks is not an achievement unless they all sound like axiom!) also, real support from real fans i.e buying shit (music not BBK t shirts) remember, hip hop was about 38 years old when it got pronounced as dead, when really it was just a minor stroke.

styleslut said...

'Stop fucking stealing links off me'

We thought it was only right to 'steal' a link from you as you 'stole' that Kid Sister vid link from us.

But then we realised that neither of us own youtube and typing in an artists name to get a vid that someone else may have posted is probably not stealing.

slackk said...

styleslut parties are just a bit dry.

nothing bad to say about them, per se, more that it all just seems a bit forced. a bit too barley, innit.

that list is waste but whatever. just another hip thing that follows other hip things innit. popbitch for scenes.

PRANCEHALL said...

about beef is for butchers...

about u couldn't write a lot about certain people...

stop talking in riddles.

you can't write anything that someone hasn't already written before.

PRANCEHALL said...

and what is don't panic saying?

read the whole sentence and put it in context. i am saying that no one uses that word. maybe if i put the journalists bit in brackets, you might be able to get your mind around it: No one (apart from NME journalists) uses the word "swagger".

if i said: "no one use that word" that would be wrong.

PRANCEHALL said...

and also don't pretend u didn't see the dj ng thing on my blog.

where else did you hear about it?

Anonymous said...

styleslut = dumb, pointless, bad haircuts
don't panic = a waste of a lot of trees (free chewing gum though)
prancehall = the king

Anonymous said...

'Short twists a la Kele Bloc Party'
- god.
why didn't someone tell Jammer that he should cut off all his hair to try and look like the lead singer of an indie band sooner?

puke.

Anonymous said...

what the fuck do they mean they couldn't write that much about certain people? they slag people off all the time. and that ironic 'tick-choong-ting' as a name too..real convincing.

Anonymous said...

yeah the ironic urban name really got me as well, ABOUT tic choong ting you ugly alcoholic bitch

Anonymous said...

styleslut represents everything that is wrong with now.

Styleslut said...

where else did you hear about it?

Prancehall we know your Vice magazines 'urban expert' but that songs been out for ages. Yay for you hearing it at Dirty Canvas and and blogging about it, but it's only new to people who read your blog or your ‘do it!’ column.

If you go to youtube and type in an artists name, then amazingly a whole list of videos featuring that artist appears.

How fucking ingenious is that?!?

You heard of google? It does something pretty similar.

P.S. next time you decide to write about us and copy/paste chunks of our blog make sure you put a link back to wear you stole it from.

Anonymous said...

This weak arguement needs more bats & gats - take it the streets people! A lot of haircuts could get hurt.

PRANCEHALL said...

lol. it came out on white label just before xmas. not that you would've been down at upton trying to buy it or anything. and you said up above that you took it from my blog. it's fine. i dont actually give a shit. stop digging yourslef into a hole. you have to know what you're looking for when you use this magical google thing. you can't just type "next big thing in music that we can pretend to be into for a few months".

and you don't even deserve a link back.

Donald Crunk - Styleslut said...

Supa D (hes a house DJ) played that song at the priory in May
2007.

If you went to house raves, you may have heard about DJ NG and his song a little bit earlier than Xmas.

I've never been to 'upton', but it sounds like fun.

Styleslut hater said...

You styleslut wasteman deserve to get lenged down, chattin about shot 9 times, u lot are disgusting bandgwagon jumping fassy...

your whole 'swagger' is jacked from somone else!

PRANCEHALL said...

lol. name me 3 other tunes he played that night. the song has been around for ages but it only came out before xmas. you've never been to a funky rave. you only go to really bad parties at 93 feet east and 333.

PRANCEHALL said...

and the only reason you're talking about supa d live at the priory is because that was put out as a mix cd.

Donald Crunk said...

''you only go to really bad parties at 93 feet east and 333''

Yikes, we've been rumbled!

Actually, we go to shit parties @ the old blue, too.

You should have come to the night where the song you posted was actually PA'd. It was fun.

This is starting to feel really gay.

Can you post a blog about how close you are with jammer and his family (no homo) or another vid for an 8 month old funky house song that you 'discovered' while you were surfing the net, so we can move on?

Anonymous said...

This thing reminds me of when swag little 14 year old MC's try to clash wiley in order to get a bit of a rep for themselves....

Styleslut & Donald Crunk, your comments were actually making me angry, until I realised that deep down in your heart of hearts, you know that even though you are trying your hardest, your blog, brand & opinion is never going to come NEAR Prancehal or Vice.

not even close.

you should just give up, move away & quietly hang yourselves

BECAUSE YOU ARE A LAUGHING STOCK

PRANCEHALL said...

hahahahaha. first you went with the cliche of "i've been into that song for the last 6 months" and now you miraculously were at the club the night the video was filmed. i'm guessing you were the person filming it too. you are beyond deranged.

why don't you stop emailing me asking where you can get work "because rwd don't pay". why don't you stop asking me to get you writing for vice and then go behind my back anyway and ask the editor. all he needed to do was take one look at your blog to make his mind up. why don't you stop asking vice's online editor whether you can intern for him. he asks for my opinion on anyone who applies anyway. why don't you stop texting me out of the blue and asking for a contact at the guardian. there's a reason you have to write for people like toy pirate magazine.

and i know you go to shit parties at the old blue last. that's why i don't go there anymore. people like you ruined it.

Anonymous said...

>'you have to know what you're looking for when you use this magical google thing. you can't just type "next big thing in music that we can pretend to be into for a few months".'

^^ LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLL omg totally owned!!!!

Anonymous said...

"This is starting to feel really gay"
Donald Crunk.

this is STARTING to feel really gay?
didn't you think that before you posted the '10 reasons why grime is dead' list?

you started this remember...

just accept that you are the losers in this battle.

Donald Crunk said...

Cool, as soon as you stop randomly texting me to come down to the vice office for a photoshoot.

Or maybe you should ask your online editor why he e-mailed us out of the blue to arrange a meeting to get our editorial on the vice site.

You should have warned him about us before he had the chance to tell us how much he likes our site.

PRANCEHALL said...

hahahahahahahahaha. they needed some random students for a last minute photo shoot and you guys were the only people who i thought would have enough time on your hands to come and do it. and you were so keen to do it too. you even texted me the next day about it i remember.

good luck with the vice blog thing.

Donald Crunk said...

We were so keen to do it that we didnt show up.

Thanks. All the best.

Anonymous said...

tell me aint on the supa d priory mixcd. ive got it.

PRANCEHALL said...

^ HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. is that true?

JP..ALL ABOUT MUSIC ME I AM. said...

hahahahaha. first you went with the cliche of "i've been into that song for the last 6 months" and now you miraculously were at the club the night the video was filmed. i'm guessing you were the person filming it too. you are beyond deranged.

why don't you stop emailing me asking where you can get work "because rwd don't pay". why don't you stop asking me to get you writing for vice and then go behind my back anyway and ask the editor. all he needed to do was take one look at your blog to make his mind up. why don't you stop asking vice's online editor whether you can intern for him. he asks for my opinion on anyone who applies anyway. why don't you stop texting me out of the blue and asking for a contact at the guardian. there's a reason you have to write for people like toy pirate magazine.

and i know you go to shit parties at the old blue last. that's why i don't go there anymore. people like you ruined it.

PRANCEHALL why did you take it there lol...

na good luck to Styleslut init but i think that blog has scarred them a little still.

Jp

Elijah said...

rah this blog has done ALOT!!

Big up Prancehall

Anonymous said...

biggest grime clash since dizzee vs. titch.

really tho, that dj ng tune is fucking rubbish. i know everyone wants to be on the next big thing before everyone else but this bassline house shit is just a terrible natural progression from appalling northern scouse house. you journo types should step back, forget the new/hip/excloose factor for a second, and listen to just how bad the music actually is.

why can't someone dickride bumpy 4x4 garage back into popularity so we can get some more good music from qualifide, mjcole, ski, club asylum etc.

bok bok said...

why does everyone keep gettin funky and bassline confused as well, sort it aht pls

Jack-o said...

"mukyourmoms said...
Styleslut and Prancehall are neck and neck in the GAYEST BLOG EVER competition."

***

And you, who commented on this obviously you have been reading these blogs... whats that say about you and your sexual preference sunshine ?


I thought the e-beef on hardcore forums was funny this is some next level shit! Keep it up please.

ZZZZZZZZZZ said...

Styleslut: Wanna be Vice. too try hard. Thinks they’re down with all the ‘new ish’ Nathan barely ditch pricks.

Prancehall: writes for Vice, too try hard. White boy hiding behind a tiger mask, wishes he was ghetto: ‘that’s a par’? LOL

Prancehall you seem to be putting down what you rep. Ive seen your name on bare Shoreditch flyers and you write for fuckin Vice who arent very positive or knowledgeable about grime or anything black, urban etc. That list could just have easily been on vice.

That NG tune is old. NONE of you rave to funky. Please stop fronting. You just sit in front of computer screens and do research.

It seems like two scene queens are arguing over youtube clips and text messages (homo).

Stop beingg cry babies and blog about stuff that matters

Oh and who the fuck is TICK CHOONG TING???

Gawd. Get a life and move out of Shoreditch.

Anonymous said...

how the fuck does prancehall wish he was 'ghetto'? irrelevant as FUCK - just because it's not written in a guardian 'oh look what the black people dun made' cultural tourist way and it features more insight than people who are blindly enthusiastic about grime no matter what. no one should have to resign themselves to avoiding certain topic for fear that people will think they're trying too hard to be 'ghetto' - the most invalid accusation when it comes to the internet. if he was truly ~ghetto~ why would he have a blog? does liking and playing black music constitute a ghetto aspiration? when you're a consumer and a fan of something you can say what you want about it - good or bad. it's a blog what the fuck do you expect? read RWD magazine if you want pure dicks-out enthusiasm


and please, the barley references are fucking out of date and desperate. find a better way to articulate the problem you have with wasted white people dressed garishly please.

bok bok said...

nathan bartley is such an out-of-date reference, that show was strictly about like late 90s early 00s Shoreditch Twat type shit, i hate how everyone still refers to it at the first sign of a white baffoon

Anonymous said...

this is hysterical. styleslut, you quite clearly got taken apart by prancehall. i guess you probably get more readers by posting responses in here than on your actual blog.

Anonymous said...

This is the most pointless, and yet at the same time most entertaining 'beef' of 2008 (so far). Prancehall sends for Styleslut! Oh noes! Styleslut (whoever they are anyways)send for their mum! Yikes! All we need is Wiley to pop up and have a random grumble and we will have achieved waste infinity and the WWW will explode. It's like a ickle RWD forum, bless. Keep up the good work, people! High five!

Afro-E said...

i like Prancehall, hes funny has loads of intertesting articles, vids, tunes, downloadable 'stuff' and because i live in Bristol this website has caught my eye and i am a regular visitor!
so now i like this website and some other guy comes and disses it, i must show my love (no homo) for Prancehall and disagree with the Jammer's dreads are just too long remark - dreads are not for a 'look' or for 'style' they are grown for a reason, and not cut off for a reason.

Anonymous said...

I saw prancehall and Donald Crunk having a snog @ Boombox at the Hoxton the other day

true stories.


Prancehall is blatently the giver in the relationship cos styleslut got bummed in this clash

PRANCEHALL said...

what's graham norton up here talking about boombox? isn't that a gay night? what were you doing at a gay night?

PRANCEHALL said...

and that styleslut list could never have been in vice. i'm the only person who writes about grime in vice. before me it was matt mason who used to be editor at rwd. no one else at vice even remotely likes grime. they only let me write about it because i can write a funny column on it. i've never been to a funky rave and have never claimed otherwise. funky house is the worst, most boring music in the world. but that ng tune is great. and i fully realise it's old, but the vinyl only came out less than a month ago. not that anyone actually buys records anymore. and no you don't see my names on flyers for those really bad shoreditch nights. they never pay people more than £50. i wouldn't waste my night for that amount of money.

i know it's hard for some people to comprehend but i don't find the need to post pictures of myself with my arm draped around jay-z or whoever. that is gay. i will leave that to other people.

and this isn't even beef. i was just pointing out a few home truths. styleslut should thank me really. i'm sure i've given them more hits and comments than they've ever had before.

Anonymous said...

i think the barley references are pretty apt actually:
try too hard 'fashion' and brainless buffoons desperately trying to clutch at whatever they think is hip.

nathan barley the tv series may be out of date but the attitude of those fuckwits on the show still exists everywhere you turn in snoreditch and will never go away sadly...
i give you... Styleslut.

Anonymous said...

With a lack of raves, quality musical output, the grime is far from dead just a little inconsistent. Prancehall is one of the few regular sources of whats going on. Plays good music and sifts through all the bullshit so we don't have to, whilst being pretty funny. Come on and who cares if we don't know who he looks like, the big tiger head is fine by me. It seems a little bit whoreish in the days of diespace and wastebook to have an a legion of internet "fans" who come suck your dick, wipe your arse and buy you drinks on your Eastern adventures.

As informed as an NME reader styleslut needs to go and get a day job in American Apparel

Anonymous said...

''Or maybe you should ask your online editor why he e-mailed us out of the blue to arrange a meeting to get our editorial on the vice site.''

Is that true Prancehall? I'm dont really understand why you'd spend so much time blogging about and Dj-ing for a site and parties that you hate.

btw what happend to grimewatch? I liked that.

Anonymous said...

zomg its a hipster faceoff

this is like watching two old women having a barney

pollywog said...

please tell me prancehall ain't white !!!

...i remember being gutted when i found out blackdown wasn't black either

Anonymous said...

"and no you don't see my names on flyers for those really bad shoreditch nights"

er.. I think you do. there's one for the Shitting Fists Christmas Party posted below. All that Team Mega Mix / Tapedeck goofy cliquey bullshit is the worst thing about shoreditch

PRANCEHALL said...

shitting fists are hardcore kids who are big into hip-hop and garage. their night isn't some shitty shoreditch electro party with djs from super super magazine.

and u cant compare team mega mix to tapedeck. tapedeck are the worst djs in the world. they play kate nash next to dipset (the same dipset song every time).

Your Mum said...

Look out people, make way for the new JITSET!

terry tibbs said...

jitset is awesome.

'black people' said...

lolololllll.. bare myspace bulletins on this... tapedeck just said this..

Someone is calling us out, but I really can't be bothered to respond or even mention their name. They're obviously jealous that I used to run the Reggae section in HMV Harrow and therefore have a really good relationship with the people who put out those 'Dancehall Riddims' compilations. Anyway, that should be the end of it because I'm sure they're busy going through their my space friends to see if any black people have added them today.

LOLLLLLL

manchester joe said...

tapedeck look like total tramps someone needs to buy that geezer a new hat

looks like he decided to become a dj and bought a new era like back when they started out and hasnt taken it off since. wasteman

bilegut said...

gaydeck give really-bad-mp3 DJ's a bad name

Anonymous said...

jistet is da best
prancehall is da best
tapedeck are gross
da end

Anonymous said...

and u cant compare team mega mix to tapedeck.

Prancehall what u smokin? U heard team mega shits 'mix' before???

Yuk

PRANCEHALL said...

i've never even seen tapedeck mix before. they think the pitch control is just some slidey thing u play on while you wait for the song to end.

dan hancox said...

i think the whole problem of needing a more up-to-date and appropriate shorthand than 'nathan barley' for 'talentless fashionista buffoons' is easily solvable. just say 'ah man, those twats over by the bar look *soo* styleslut, jesus'.

worst. blog. ever.

dan hancox said...

ps lol at introducing the word 'buffoon' to this comment thread alex, nice one ;)

middle class TOFF said...

hahahahahahahaha at prancehall dissing tapedeck and supersuper when he's just as bad if not worse.

tapedeck - so they don't mix...and? do all your middle-class chums in real gold/young turks/shitting whatever team mega bitch... mix seamlessly?

supersuper's that's run by two 37 yearold has-beens from sleaze nation who get 'cool' kids front the mag and give thier 'dayglo lunacy' some credibility. speaking of credibility if my memory serves me correctly i believe half of your mates have been featured in this faggazine - team mega mix, young turks, jack penate... they've even *gasp* begged the whole grime thing and got chantelle fiddy writing for them.

"shitting fists are hardcore kids who are big into hip-hop and garage." in the same way that team mega dicks are? i.e. they've got one EZ compilation between them?

HO SIT DOWN

Anonymous said...

an ironic blog coming from someone who is affiliated with VICE magazine, VICE king of all things hipster, VICE that more or less is responsible for today's hoxtonite culture, VICE who's little pub/venue is the most 'nathan barley' (for want of a better term) thing about east london, VICE who's canadian tosspot of founder in a known for his 'ironic' racial and sexist slurrings. here's a quote from an article about VICE hipster culture. 'At Vice stores the merchandise is a mix of high fashion and kitsch, including $1,000 Evisu men's suits and women's underpants with ''I Don't Have AIDS . . . Yet'' in blue script on the front.' Wow.