Lots of lists and lots of shit
Remember that Dizzee / Nike thing where he had to run about a bit and they paid him loads of money? Well, they are broadcasting it next Thursday. Click that video thingy there to see the trailer and find out when it's on. People run about a bit and then Dizzee does a set at the end. I'm actually in there too, don'tcha know? I played some records while the people ran about in the trials. There's a bit where you almost see me. Look out for it.
Styleslut have posted loads of end of year lists. Why does everyone always do lists at the end of the year? No one gives a shit and it never actually represents anything from the first half of the year because no one can be bothered to remember back that far. Lists are gay. That means I'm gay, you're gay, everyone is gay. Anyway, here is their list. It's called "Ten reasons why grime is dead."
1. Dizzee Rascal doesn’t make grime.
2. Kano thinks working with Damon Albarn and Kate Nash is edgy and diverse.
3. Lethal B can’t stop milking white people for every last drop of their indie swagger.
4. Parisian designer JCDC thinks grime artists are exciting.
5. The most popular grime DJ in the country makes t-shirts that say ‘grime is dead’.
6. Jammer's dreads are slightly too long. Short twists a la Kele Bloc Party would be far more fetching.
7. No grime artist has ever been shot nine times.
8. Downloading grime mixtapes for free seems like too much fucking effort.
9. Wiley argues with children on the Rewind magazine message board.
10. Everyone likes house, dubstep, niche etc now, anyways.
The best way to shit on something that is shit is to do something that is also shit, i.e. write another list. Here is my list:
8 reasons why Styleslut's list is shit
1. No one apart from NME journalists uses the word "swagger".
2. No one apart from NME journalists uses the word "edgy".
3. Wiley doesn't always argue with children on the RWD forum. Sometimes the people he argues with are adults, but they are just writing like children 'cos it's more urban, innit.
4. No one is allowed to slag off grime because it makes Logan Sama upset.
5. Writing a list with the purpose of trying your hardest to be offensive about something is only something I am allowed to do.
6. Sure, no grime artist has ever been shot nine times but Crazy Titch did shoot someone and shooting someone is a lot better than being shot.
7. When you said everyone likes house, you linked to that DJ NG video I posted. Stop fucking stealing links off me and then going and pitching articles to stuff like Don't Panic Magazine. They don't even pay people.
8. Jammer's dreads could never be too long.