Dirty Mumdance

Durrty Goodz is playing in Brighton this Friday. I was thinking of going down and spending all night following him around asking him for another rundown about what prison life was like but I'm not so sure he'd be up for it.

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Download: Jammer - Toxic Freestyle



Here's Jammer's "Toxic" freestyle that was on my mixtape. I've been getting a lot of requests to put it up so here it is.

Stratford Rex: The dick inspector

I didn't get any pictures or videos from the Mavado show last night. Pretty annoying. The whole thing was filmed anyway so maybe I'll get the DVD. When I got to The Rex around 10, the police had already shut off two lanes of traffic outside the club and lined up at least eight police cars and vans along the road. They also had police dogs and guys with M16s. Pretty insane for an event where there wasn't a hint of trouble all night. Total over reaction in my opinion. On the way in they were taking no chances: I got the metal detector and full search and then I was ordered to go and see a woman in the corner. I had no idea what was going on so I walked up and stood next her and without saying a word she put her hand between my legs and cupped my piece before nodding to the other bouncers that I was allowed in. I think that was her job all night: dick inspector. She checks to see if you're packing a big enough piece and if not she sends you out to be gunned down by the police. There were no shootings last night, thankfully.

Inside I saw Chipmunk, Badness and Logan Sama in a full suit with a red tie and overcoat. I told him he needed to wear a white suit next time to fit in. He didn't seem so keen. I saw some pretty amazing fashion in there. There was a guy who looked like a fat Benga who had Air Force Ones covered in gold sequins and he was the most under dressed person there. He performed later on but I had no idea who he was. He did some bars over "Baddis Ting" rhythm and got a pretty massive reaction. Mad Cobra didn't show but there were lots of random Channel U types performing a song each for a half an hour segment. There was even one girl with some cheerleader-esque dancers performing with her. She wasn't so good.

I won't bother to say too much about Mavado. Some people who like dancehall genuinely don't seem to like him. For me, his album is the best album of the year in any genre. No question. He performed most of the songs off Gangster For Life with a full band. The crowd knew every word. I wasn't standing in the best spot but I enjoyed it. It was nice to see a crowd of 1,000 people all having fun at a night they've paid 40 quid for. I don't get that all the time at nights I go to where people have paid a fiver.



It seems like I am the last person in the world to know that Jammer has an album deal with Big Dada. Why did no one tell me? I'm upset. It's like people didn't want me to know or something. That's not nice. Anyway, I think he'll do well. Jammer's obviously not the best MC in the world but he can make good songs and he's funny and has a bit of charisma. It was a big fuck up that "Murkle Man" never got a proper release. It had a great video already made and could have been as big as "Pow".

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After A Breath of Fresh Ears and Lend Me Your Ears I've come up with an idea for the name of Ears' next project: Play It By Ears. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. "Play it by Ears." Get it? It's like "Play it by ear", but slightly different. Play It By Ears.

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Saw a rather interesting article in The Voice called, "Is rap turning our girls into ho's?" There are some pretty choice quotes in there. It's an excrutiating read so if you can't be bothered to go through the whole thing, I think the gist of it is that hip-hop videos are making black girls become promiscuous and do drugs and the main consumers of hip-hop are "young, affluent, white men" so that is who we should blame.

Who's coming to this?

Stratford Rex this Sunday. Me and about six of my friends are going. Anyone else going?



Also, my friend in NY just emailed me about a night he's putting on this Friday, i.e. tomorrow. It's Wiley's only scheduled US date and his first solo performance out there so don't miss it.

"Got no friends in the ends 'cos I don't believe in friendship"

Photo by Alex Sturrock

Listen: Ice Kid - Unknown


I interviewed Ice Kid recently and he gave me a CD of new Hoodstars tunes to check. I was impressed by quite a few of the tracks - especially the production on them, which sounded a lot like the melodic early Ruff Sqwad stuff that first got me really into grime. Ice Kid hasn't really done much in a while and meeting him it's obvious why. He is brutally realistic about the future of grime. He doesn't expect to get a record deal, he doesn't expect to get famous across the country, he doesn't think grime will "blow". He seems to make songs as a means to let out his feelings rather than to get famous. And I like that. You're not getting any fake and unnecessary bragging from him because he has nothing to aspire to. It's kind of like when Dizzee was first starting out and eventually went on to make his first album. There had been no hint that he would get famous so he was just largely making songs for himself and letting out all his pent up anger. Now everyone wants to put out one mixtape with nothing original to say and get signed.



Here's Chipmunk's budget "hood" video for "Fire Alie".



Chipmunk's pretty amazing on this. Griminal's really good as well. Ice Kid needs some new bars but he's got a lot of potential. There's five more parts of this on YouTube but it gets a bit dull after the third one. I was wondering why Westwood was getting into grime so heavily all of a sudden and then I noticed the video I put up ages ago of Chipmunk and Ice Kid on Westwood with Wiley has had over 250,000 views. It's obviously good for the Big Dog's profile, baby.

Is this grimey enough?

The new Kano video is good. I like it. The song not so much, but the video is well done. No one's going to buy the single though, are they? Let's be realistic.

Grime sighting in Sweden

My friend Ben "Roulette King" Rayner snapped this recently when he was out in Sweden. I guess UK slang doesn't translate so well over there.

"knologable and loyall"

Here's a Diplo interview where he talks about and shows footage of his recent project with Switch in Jamaica working with artists like Elephant Man, Turbulence, Tanya Stephens etc. I'm pretty excited about hearing all this stuff.



This summer, an Italian photographer called Joao Paulo Ribeiro approached me because he was coming to London and wanted to photograph some MCs from the grime scene. I gave him all my contacts and then he disappeared and I didn't hear back from him until today when he sent me a load of pics he'd taken. I've uploaded the best ones to my Flickr.

Won't let any mentally vacant z-list celeb ting get by me

Dizzee Rascal went on a "hot date" with Chanelle from Big Brother last night. "Big look for the scene", as they say. When Wiley wants to get some hype and interest he calls out Ghetto's name, when Dizzee wants to get some hype he takes an ex-Big Brother contestant to celebrity nosh palace Nobu. Apparently they have the same management and "Flex" is out soon so I guess Mr Rascal can forget the fact he already has a girlfriend for a few weeks.

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Lethal Bizzle is slowly growing on me I think - maybe like an unwanted parasite, but he is definitely growing on me. Notice the drum kit thrown amongst the rubble - does that mean no more indie collaborations? I can't see Logan playing this but, hey, at least it's not grindie. He should definitely do some more work with J Sweet (who produced this beat).



Good song, good idea, pretty poor execution.

T2 likes Terminator 2, still

Photo by James Pearson-Howes

Below is an interview I did with T2 for the new issue of Vice. I don't have my laptop with me here in New York so I can't put up the full transcribe with questions about him ripping off speed garage and stuff like that. Maybe when I get back I'll upload the rest. He plays down the influence of speed garage etc. on his music, if you were wondering. Anyway, here it is with an intro:

If you're a teenager living in a council estate anywhere north of Grimsby, you won't be spending your weekends at home practicing WCW wrestling moves on your terrified cat, smoking weed, and listening to Ghetto's new mixtape. No, instead the chances are you'll be riding in your 1992 Ford Fiesta down to your local nightclub with your Rockport loafers, fake D&G shirt and enough diamante encrusted jewellery to choke a murder of crows to listen to some banging bassline house. If you didn't know, bassline house (AKA niche after the club in Sheffield where the scene began) is the biggest thing up north since coal. The records all sound like stuff producers such as DJ Narrows, Sirus and Wire were putting out in 2002 but that hasn't stopped everyone going insane for it. The scene is being led by 19-year-old Leeds producer T2. He was homeless until last year, but after topping every garage chart and being the most requested song on Kiss, Choice and 1Xtra his song "Heartbroken" has been signed to a major. It's now being played by Jo Whiley and Edith Bowman on daytime Radio 1, and it looks like it will go top 10. All of this off the back of a scene which sounds like a slightly updated version of speed garage? Honestly, Todd Edwards would be turning in his grave (if he were actually dead).

Prancehall: Where did your name come from?
T2: I was in love with a movie called Terminator 2: Judgement Day, still. I liked the big guns. It was fascinating for a little kid – that big ting that he had. Like when he was fighting all them police, that was sick, bro. There was this enemy – the guy they was running away from when they rescued the yoot – and he could turn to liquid. He could turn into a police officer, he could turn into a woman, he could run fast and he could just turn his hands into metal. That was sick.

Did you ever wish you could time travel like the Terminator?
Nah, it was just sick though, the fact he could do that. I rated him, innit. Man came from the future, boy, and just landed like a beam. Phhhfffwwwooosssshhhhh. The first time I couldn't even watch it, yeah. My mum wouldn't let me, you get me? It was a bit late. I must've seen like 10 minutes into it and I got told to go to bed.

Why do people have such a love/hate relationship with Terminator?
Well, when you think of it now, he's just the dumbest guy, Arnold Schwarzenegger. But when you're a little kid it's fascinating – all the action and that. A lot of people think it's dumb. It's just like cartoons – it worked for kids but it might not work for adults.

Would you say the dichotomy between the two different takes on Terminator is a reflection of some sort of personal inner turmoil? Is that why you called yourself T2?
Nah, I'd rather take love, not hate. I'm not that kind of guy, to be honest. I'm just a good guy. I'm not really a hard person to get along with.

If art is an imitation of life, and life of art, how do you reconcile the problem of unblemished reality in your work? That is to say - in reflecting reality, when you make music are you being T2, or are you doing T2?
It's a bit of both, really. I live music, bro. I live it, I breathe it. My whole life evolves around it.

Your chest, Britney

Britney Spears has gone and made the best dubstep song of the year. Fuck "Night", they need to start dropping this at FWD>>. I'm gonna get Jammer to vocal it for my next mixtape I think. Has anyone got the instrumental?

Toddla T and The Toddlers

Hi. Here is an interview I did with Sheffield producer Toddla T for my music column in the new Vice. For some reason they took out the pic of him and replaced it with people dropping some mad crazy science all over the dancefloor, i.e. doing some breakdancing. Weird.

Prancehall: You sound like someone who is trying to make dancehall/techno/garage/house/hip-hop all at once within the same track without coming across like those dicks who make stuff like Baltimore bootlegs of kuduro tracks with an Akon acappella and a Daft Punk sample hook, and describe their tastes as "eclectic". Tell me about that.
Toddla T: Well I first started producing when I was about 16, which is when I started going raving. I was exposed to loads of stuff like electro, dancehall, house, techno etc. There are some wicked party DJs in Sheffield who mash it up really well - DJ Pipes, Winston Hazel and Monkz. I used to go to all these little parties, mainly warehouse things. There is this party called Kabal up here where the sonic is very individual. You'll hear bleepy techno next to the new Dave Kelly riddim but it all makes sense. It's something I've only really heard up here. I remember going to them parties when I was about 17/18 and just being blown away by it all. I thought it was amazing how it was all linked in so well.

Which dancehall producers are you into?
I really like South Rakkas Crew. I love "Bionic Ras" - it's a couple years old now I know but still kills me. I'm not a straight up dancehall head, though. I like the slightly mental producers like DJ C, Heatwave and Ross Orton – the guy who produced "Galang".

Do you know about Stephen McGregor? He was like 15 when he produced Red Bull & Guinness, which pretty much broke Mavado's career.
Yeah I remember Robbo Ranx going on about him. I need to check him out.

So why are you named after a baby?
I've always been the youngest out of all my friends - I was always Lil' Tom. It just went from there, really.

You do now if you were called Toddla P that would be bad because it might imply you had a really small penis, i.e. the size of a toddler's?
Ah, seen. Maybe that could be the indie side project.

Did you know Ce'Cile made a dub for me saying I have a "big stick"?
Would you shag her?

Yeah, probably. Would you?
You'd have to.

Have you ever tried collaborating with a real toddler?
Nah, that could be deep though.

You should get Jammer's kid to vocal one of your beats. Jammer's voicemail message is his son beatboxing and rapping over "Destruction".
Serocee's kid is in training. I could get both of them.

Toddla T and The Toddlers.
You should be an A&R.

I should.

ROFL

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WHOA WHOA WHHOOAA... WHY DON'T YOU GO TO MACY'S AND SPEND SOME DOUGH-OH-OH?

Ahhh, how nice. Everyone's favourite dubstep MC, Crazy D, heard that I was off to NYC today so he's sent me some vouchers to use. Thanks, dude! I semi take back my comment about you being like an empty prison: a waste of bars.

Willie Bounce

There's an interview type thing with Elephant Man on VBS today. It's pretty funny. It was done while he was in the Bad Boy studios in NY. He seems to be doing pretty well for himself now, eh?

One thing: Why is dancehall described as "The Jamaican equivalent to punk-rock"? It's not. It's the Jamaican equivalent of hip-hop. Why does everything have to be in terms of punk-rock? When people say stuff like that it makes them sound like they don't know what they're talking about.



Here is one of my favourite video clips of Elephant Man: him vocalling the Christmas Stagger Rhythm in someone's cupboard.

Q: "What's been funny recently?" A: "Umm... Halloween? Britney? The drum-playing gorilla?"

Following my post purporting that I had proof Lethal Bizzle could see just like most other people, I have been questioned by none other than Dan Hancox of the Dot Alt blog. He claims he wants to see a signed clean bill of health from a registered optician before he believes Bizzle is cured. I can't do that but I have some more proof above in the form of a video. After 2 minutes and 55 seconds, you see Maxwell staring into the camera for an extended period without his shades. In saying this, the video is a year old and it's only recently he's been wearing the shades. Dan says someone should surprise Bizzle with a digicam and one of those optician's charts and challenge him to read from it. Maybe they should. Actually, if someone does that I will send them the new Kano album and a crate of Ribena.

BTW, I like Mike Skinner. I really do. But who is this Example guy he seems to love so much? He just looks like a guy desperately trying to hide the fact he went to public school. Has he sold any copies of his album? I guess he's lucky he hasn't got much label competition from The Mitchell Brothers.

HE CAN SEE!!!!!!

Gallows and Lethal Bizzle - "Staring at the Rude Bois"

OMG! Bizzle takes his shades off at the end. He has been cured!!!

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It seems the ICA is useful for more than being a really, really, really unsuitable venue for a grime night. Two interesting films were shown there today. I didn't go to see either of them unfortunately so I've been spending a while finding out what I missed.

The first is called Rent-A-Rasta. Here is some blurb from their website:

When white women flock to Jamaica for a little fun in the sun, the R&R they're often looking for is not 'rest and relaxation' but to 'rent a Rasta', according to director J Michael Seyfert. His eye-opening exposé sheds light on a barely acknowledged form of sex tourism: white women who visit the Caribbean to sleep with black locals - as many as 80,000 such women from a variety of relatively wealthy Western nations come to Jamaica every year according to this film. Framed from the perspective of the history of Jamaica, from slavery through the rise of the Rastafari to the present, we are shown a pattern of utter subjugation and economic inequality, with islanders providing stud service only being the latest form of exploitation.

The blurb makes it sound pretty interesting but the trailer looks awful I think. It makes the documentary look like a spoof - the cod-Caribbean accent, the borderline racist description of Rastafarians. It's like something Chris Morris might have knocked up in his time off between writing Brass Eye and starring in that so-called comedy, The IT Crowd.



The second is a documentary exploring the "long-neglected female side of reggae and dancehall music in Jamaica," called Queens of Sound. The subject matter could be a bit too Andrea Dworkin meets Oprah Winfrey for my liking but it stars people like Tanya Stephens, Macka Diamond and one of my favourite women-in-music-who-has-writtten-a-song-about-my-willy, Ce'Cile. I might try and track it down or something one day maybe.

"Hyperbolic, arrogant and criminally under researched cool-jockey"

My friend Richard showed my this the other day. It seems this guy flew all the way from Japan to come and dance in the street at this weekly event in Downtown Kingston called Dutty Fridaze.



Here is his female friend.



Saw this on Channel U the other day as I was briskly and erratically flicking through the channels to watch that shining beacon of resplendent modern day urban televised fiction BKA Dubplate Drama. Quite a lot of randoms in Fire Camp now. I'm guessing Mr Oizo knows nothing about it but they should try and release it I think. Catchiest grime song in a long while.



This sums up the pointlessness of Bonfire Night and all that goes before it, IMHO, FYI.